Check in with yourself and acknowledge your goal

Want to instantly be a better communicator?

Start checking in with yourself and acknowledge your goal for the conversation before you speak or share your thoughts.

It only takes a moment, but the reality is that it may require some practice as you learn to listen to your emotions a bit more.

Few of us are used to getting introspective with ourselves. After all, we’re often rewarded by speaking first, speaking fast, and getting our most immediate thoughts out there for all to consume.

But good communication — communication that inspires action — requires us to first understand ourselves and the outcomes we aim to gain.

The next time you find yourself about to have a difficult conversation, or a conversation you’re excited about, or one where the stakes are high, ask yourself, “Do I want to...”

• argue?

• vent?

• tell a story?

• be heard?

• understand?

• learn?

• teach?

• convince?

• convict?

Naming your goal — actually acknowledging your goal for the conversation — can change everything.

For example, if you admit that you just want to vent, then you can decide if the person across from you is going to be receptive to that conversation.

Or, if your aim is to convince or persuade, it just might force you to change your approach to the conversation and consider how the other person might receive what you have to say and the way you say it.

And look, I get it that this might feel awkward or seem uncomfortable at first. It’s not a normal thing in this day and age for us to pump the brakes just a touch when we have something we want to say.

But trust me when I tell you that the damage that is done when your approach to conversation doesn’t align with your goal is darn near impossible to reverse.

And wouldn’t it be better if we took the opportunity to prevent the damage in the first place?

Interested in improving your communication skills and presence? Learn more about what it’s like to work with me as your communications coach.