The performative nature of social media is not who we are

There are a lot of days where it seems like everyone hates everyone else and we’re swirling the toilet bowl as a society.

Take a dive into the replies on Twitter or the comment threads on a news article and you'll likely feel it.

But here’s the thing...I don’t believe that stuff is the true us.

Entrepreneur Gary Vaynerchuk likes to say "social media didn't create this, it exposed us for who we really are."

Perhaps in some instances, that's true. Rotten people finally got an anonymous platform to spew crap at scale that they would never say to someone's face, and they’ve taken full advantage of the opportunity.

But for the most part, it's way more nuanced than that.

What social media has done, ironically, has disconnected us from each other and conditioned us to forget that the person on the other end of our rants, hateful comments, and vitriol is, in fact, an actual person. Not a bot or a caricature of a human, but a real, live, breathing, feeling human.

When I talk to someone directly or read a book or listen to a podcast, for the most part, I find that most of us can be pretty decent people when we’re not performing for ratings, votes, likes, and comments.

When we're not reaching for a "mic drop moment," we have a remarkable amount of empathy for others.

But we too often get caught up in believing a bunch of performative actions is a real reflection of who we are.

We live in a world that is being evermore designed to distract you, isolate you, and make you think you are the only one going through it — whatever “it” happens to be for you.

And when this happens, we feel like we aren't being seen, and we over-correct our actions. Everyone wants to be known and to feel significant, and social media provides a place to be known — as long as you're extreme enough.

In the early days of Facebook, every single "friend" would like every single photo or post of yours, even if it was as mundane as "Michael just had the best blueberry pancake ever. Yum!"

Remember how Facebook posts were oddly in the third person?

Now, because we're desensitized and because, you know, algorithms, that stuff just doesn't make us feel seen anymore, because it lacks pizzazz! Or drama! Or controversy!

But more than that, it lacks nuance.

If you were actually talking to your best friend about that amazing blueberry pancake, you could better explain why it was so good. Where you were sitting. What it smelled like. How the coffee tasted after you had just finished the last bite.

Nuance.

It takes a strong will to break free of this unsocial media universe and see the world and the people around you and engage with them in real life rather than a “reality” that has been artificially constructed for you.

In no way am I trying to downplay the very real issues we have to address.

But my hope is that this gets you thinking and gets you to lift your eyes up from the screen a bit more to see the people around you.

Instead of typing that next comment, seek someone to talk to about it.

Rather than retweeting, liking, or turning up the volume on yet another piece of content designed to parse us into “those for” and “those against,” start asking questions of yourself about what it is you actually believe — complete with all your nuance and detail.

Because that’s the only way this works.